Well, after a stiff drink I am on round 19. I mean day 19 of school. It has been a tough year from the start and it is just one of those years where you wonder what the hell you did last year to have Karma come and kick you in the A?? like this?
So, don't get me wrong - I love kids and I'm always up for a good challenge. I love every single one of the kids in my class and I would do anything to help each and every one in anyway I could. I do the best I can even at the expense of my own family which is not healthy by the way or even fair to them (my family that is). But the truth is . . .
this year, by day three I swear if I had money I would have flat out resigned. By day 5, I was crying in my car after school. I held it together in spite of everything that happened but it was the sweet note and new purse my husband left in my car that had me burst into tears after such a difficult day. He couldn't have had better timing. By day 5, the school psychologist, sped teacher, counselor, principal and assistant principal had all been in my class (all at once and multiple times) and 2 Emergency SST's were put in place.
So by day 8 I was fully mentally exhausted and sick with bronchitis. It took 8 days this year to completely take everything out of me. A RECORD. So, to bring you up to speed, by day 10, regular visits by the principal and assistant principal along with a 1 on 1 aid,a walkie, several parent meeting with separate parents, behavior specialists and another 1 on 1 aid request - let me just say, I have never had more difficult situation(s) in 1 year. I have definitely had my share of difficult students, autistic students special need students but this year - no modification is working and wrong placements with 60 day wait periods is beyond torture! The support has been more than I could possibly ask for but it doesn't change the extreme amount of stress, hours, and guilt of being unable to teach my students due to the situation(s) in my class. Things have been ripped off walls, furniture broken, things thrown, and lessons untaught. It is a constant struggle with issues beyond your normal/typical hard behavior kids.
My classroom is getting messier and the set-up is no longer working now that I have 3 adult bodies and 25 K students in 1 regular ED classroom. I now need to rearrange the room. I am not whining I am simply stating it is is not always ROSES and teachers are not always in a utopian atmosphere where they can decorate their rooms, teach as planned, and go to work every day happy because they have a job. I try every day to do the best I can but I have broken down several times already (I am not an emotional person) because I cannot help the student(s) that were entrusted to me and they are only 5. Everyday I feel like we are falling further behind where we should be academically. I am tired. I am exhausted. and you know what really urks - when your fellow teachers walk by with their kids all in a line, all quiet and listening.
No Pinterest room or Grand TPT unit Behavior Plan/Charts or goals will change what is happening in my room. Pure patience, love, understanding, and time is the only thing that will help at this time. I try to remember what I was once told, "If you had a hard day then the child had an even more difficult day." The fact is, is that no matter what the student(s) do, once I can sit with them and look them face to face, my heart melts and feels for them. I want to cry due to the mere fact that life has been so difficult for them up to this point that they act out in such a way. I want to just hug, hold, and talk with them for a while but I can't because I have other littles looking at me waiting for guidance. Hopefully this will be all sorted out soon and like I said, the support staff is great and I have an awesome principal so I trust this will be resolved soon.So, here's to day 19 and any teacher facing difficult situations this year.
Gotta go! Can you watch my class? I have a runner!